“Diabetes burnout is the term given to the state of disillusion, frustration and somewhat submission to the condition of diabetes. Often it will be a state of mind that is reached after years if dealing with the condition. Diabetes burnout is often marked by disregarding blood sugar levels and neglecting and individuals diet.’ (diabetes.co.uk)
So I haven’t written a blog in ages even though I’ve wanted to I just haven’t and I’m not sure why. The reason why I wanted to highlight diabetes burnout in this blog is because I don’t feel I have yet. I haven’t ever fully suffered from diabetes burnout…well not to the extent it has become a big problem. I tend to go a while doing good then slip up and then a couple of days down the line become a crying mess who could quite happily tell my diabetes it go shove itself where the sun don’t shine.
Today just happened to be one of those days. I will happily admit I’ve been a but stressed recently for various reasons which has resulted in my blood sugars being higher and me getting more stressed and them increasing and then because me and my diabetes are such good friends it likes to add the random hyper to hypo on me. So I’ll admit this has been happen for last few weeks and has resulted in some sleepless nights which is problem now why I feel Im at breaking point.
Now my breaking point will me having a little cry to myself or whoever the lucky person around is. Then moaning to said lucky person (Sorry James for today’s outburst) and then I’ll pick myself up remind myself of what uncontrolled BMs can cause and try to sort it out (not in the same day cause crying makes me tired hahaha). But obviously I then spend a couple of hours worrying what I have done to myself during this what I call: I hate my diabetes period.
You see the problem with diabetes is you can’t turn it off. You can’t go oh screw it let’s eat this lovely chocolate cake without testing my sugar levels and carb counting because guess what half an hour down the line you’ll be feeling sick, your mouth will be a dry as the desert, you’ll bladder will decided it needs emptying every five seconds and your emotional level will rise to the point where you start to to feel like you need to be locked up.
And I suppose what gets to you the most (well me anyway) is I don’t drink much alcohol, I don’t smoke and recently I have been really trying to cut out the junk food (crisps are my biggest struggle). So you make all that effort and then you look at the numbers and think what’s the point?!
Obviously there is a point I don’t particularly want to lose any limbs, or destroy any organs. But seriously sometimes I wish I could have some time out! Just a day of not having to check my sugars and bruise my fingers, or not read/look up the carb values in each of my meals or snacks, or not have to worry about if my outfit looks weird cause my pump is on show or if I have all of my diabetes stuff in my bag when I go out or….you see I could really go on.
Please don’t get me wrong I could be much worse off and I know that. I’ve had people tell me that before when I’ve had a little moan and sometimes I’ve had to stop myself from saying well how about we swap lives for a couple of days and see how you cope! But I’d never wish for anyone to have type one diabetes like I wouldn’t wish them to have any type of diabetes. Life isn’t easy for anyone I know that we all have our ups and downs and diabetes isn’t all bad I’ve made lots of friends through it and I hope to teach people that don’t have the conditions a better understanding. Which is why I felt the need to post this wee rant today at such a latish cause right now while some of you are tucked up in bed or out drinking or having fun I’m sat feeling like my bladder is going to burst and I could drink the sea dry and this is after my blood sugar level has come down a few notches. Probably not the best way to spend my Friday night however I still wouldn’t change my life for anyone.
On a side note after all of that I’ve now added the wordpress app to my iPad so will try get my act into gear. I hope this blog is enjoyable and somewhat insightful. If anyone has any feedback I’d be interested in hearing it.
Sorry for being the worst blogger in the world and sorry for typos haha.