So I had a few ideas for tonights blog and I even started writing one until wordpress decided it didn’t like me, but now I’ve decided to ramble a bit, cause I’m in one of those moods, so I’m going to apologise if this is a bit here, there and everywhere. Hope you guys still enjoy it!
After six years of living with diabetes you would think I would have finally learned to accept it as part of me. Megabetes I would call myself if that ever did happen, makes me sound like a superhero and with my pump I could be partly bionic – the bionic diabetic girl. Anyway getting back on tract I don’t know if you ever fully accept you have diabetes and that you will spend the rest of your life trying to beat it, because you can’t let it beat you. I mean how can you accept it when it takes over your life. I know what everyone is going to say to that; let the diabetes live with you, not the other way round. Well excuse me but how about sometimes thats impossible. Diabetes takes over everything; bags, draw space, exercise, meals out, holidays. Sometimes I just want to scream, throw it all out of the window and deny the fact I have diabetes. Bury my head in the sand!
You can’t do that with diabetes. Its a long-term condition = there for the long run. I wish I could, have a holiday from diabetes, imagine that. Drop it off for two weeks and come back feeling fresh and ready to tackle the every day inconviences of living with it. The thought of it makes me smile and think of all the things that I wouldn’t have to do/could do without it;
Wear whatever I want without trying to hide my pump so I don’t look like I have a growth
- Give my fingers a rest from checking my sugar levels at least four times a day – maybe even get rid of the black dots I have on them
- Eat without carb counting…sugar binge!
- Swim for a whole day
- Bungee jump
- Join the forces
- GO OUT WITH A SMALL BAG OR WITHOUT A BAG
The list goes on…
Now to everyone reading this it sounds like I’m letting the diabetes get to me, I bet you imagining me sitting here bawling my eyes out. I’m not, I’m actually pretty happy at the moment apart from a cheesecake I’ve avoided chocolate and been pretty good this last week or so. So why am I writing this? To be honest I don’t know, I think I thought it would be interesting to write a post like this when I can view it with a sane head; not crying or with a high blood sugar level.
I moan about my diabetes, I’m sure every diabetic does; you have your good days and your bad days and your even worse days. I’m sure everyone with a long term condition does. It can lead to depression, anixeties, eating disorders. I know the last one is true because I used to struggle with that one myself. When I eat I have to check my sugar, carb count, pop the information into my pump and then eat…when I was injecting it was even longer check sugar level, draw up insulin, remember which arm I had used early and then inject it into me before eating. By then I’d loose interest in eating and my food would get colder quicker that other peoples. Maybe when I feel more comfortable talking about that part of my life I’ll go into more details for my lovely readers. Although I can say I have never missed an injection to lose weight which I’ve heard can be a common thing.
But it’s not just me that gets affected by my diabetes and looses sleep about it, those closest to me do. They worry about me, panic when my sugar level won’t come down straight away or go up. Sometimes I’m surprised I haven’t driven them all away with my snappy moods and little *cough* big *cough* strops mostly due to my diabetes (and because I’m a small drama queen at times) but lets just blame my diabetes hahaha. As stroppy as I can be with certain people (I’m sure they all know who they are) they are my rocks when it comes to living with diabetes.
So I’m not really sure where I’m going with my blog? A bit like my diabetes sometimes hahaha. What I think I’m trying to show is some of the lows of having diabetes but how despite all these things that get me down I’m still walking tall with it (well actually I hurt my foot the other day so partially limping right now if you see me). Some days you want to let the diabetes beat you, to have a bad day with it all and wake up the next day feeling bright and breezy which would never happen. As much as you want to give up sometimes you can’t and even though I sometimes want to I never would because sometimes diabetic life is pretty good.
Anyway I’m rambling to much now so don’t let anything bring you down (not diabetes or anything else). Keep your head high cause nothing can break you if you don’t let it and have a good week 😉